THE BEST ALBUMS OF 2007 – I WEIGH IN NOW.

While procrastinating on a ton of other stuff, I thought I’d take a few minutes to chime in on this whole “Best Albums of 2007″ thing that seems to have captivated some of the other bloggers. While I have nowhere near as much knowledge of current music as some, I think I heard enough this year to get a pretty good idea of what’s going on out there. So, with much further ado:

The 10th best album of 2007 was Washington Street Serenade by Steve Earle. This may surprise many of you, who would expect me to place this album squarely at #1, and truly, it is a great album. “Oxycontin Blues” is one of Steve Earle’s all-time best. But I have other things in mind right now. Best songs: “Tennessee Blues,” “Oxycontin Blues,” “Red is the Color.”

The 9th best album of 2007 was Anything But the New Radiohead Album. ‘Cause that album is fucking terrible. It’s so bad I already forgot the name of it, but it has rainbows in there somewhere. Of course it has rainbows in there somewhere. I succumbed to the peer pressure of Cory and Kevin and decided to give it a try, figuring that every now and then, miracles may happen, Radiohead might actually live up to all the stupid hype and actually start playing music again, and one morning I might look out on the dewy lawn and see a real live unicorn. In hindsight, there is of course much better chance of the unicorn. With so many people worshipping this band, you would think that they might actually be somewhat decent from time to time. You would be wrong. Click click beep blip blip suck. Speaking of unicorns, the new Blade Runner DVD set is worth it. Best songs: Who farted?

The 8th Best Album of 2007 was a tie between Metal Health by Quiet Riot and Stay Hungry by Twisted Sister, both of which I have had in heavy rotation since Kevin DuBrow died. Best songs: “Cum on Feel the Noize,” “The Price,” “Thunderbird,” “Metal Health,” and pretty much everything else.

The 7th Best Album of 2007 was Rube by Matt King. Seriously. You should check it out on iTunes. If I was a real music critic I would probably write things here like” raw and honest” and “listening to Matt King’s Rube is a revelation” and “while the rest of the world was listening to Radiohead’s shitty new album, I was listening to something really damn good, which is Matt King’s Rube.” Dude used to be a country singer back in the early 90’s but I guess he escaped Nashville. Play this one back to back with Washington Street Serenade; it measures up. Best songs: “Cursing the Ohio,” “Shanty Town,” and “The Mountain.”

The 6th Best Album of 2007 was the resurrection of the Real American Hero with the dawn of the GI Joe: 25th Anniversary action figure line. The figures themselves are great, but what sets it off is the reproduction of the original artwork as part of the new line. That sound you just heard is Leslie kicking my ass. Best songs: Beach Head, Cobra Officer, Shipwreck, Destro.

The 5th Best Album of 2007 was superhero cartoons. Since there’s not much to do here, I’ve discovered Cartoon Network and Boomerang, which offer up a heaping helping of The Batman, Batman: The Animated Series, and Justice League Unlimited. I never watched them the first time around, but now I’m learning what I missed. Best Songs: Any one not featuring Wonder Woman or Hawk and Dove. Speaking of superheroes,

The 4th Best Album of 2007 was the trailer for The Dark Knight. Who would have ever thought Heath Ledger would make such a perfect Joker? But damned if he ain’t just that. Best songs: “That which which doesn’t kill us, makes us stranger.” Still speaking of superheroes,

The 3rd Best Album of 2007 was the trailer for Iron Man. I am making little scratch marks in my desk, counting down the days until this one is release in May. Best songs: I read today that Marvel is waiting to make the Avengers movie until after all of the main characters have had their own films first, and they also will only make the film if they can use the same actors as were in the solo stories. This will of course never happen, but if it did it would simply be the greatest movie ever made.  (Also means, look forward to Thor and Captain America movies, and also (supposedly) Ant-Man.  I know scripts exist for all of these, but that’s about it, though Thor has a director and may even start shooting in 2008.)

The 2nd Best Album of 2008 was a tie between Hot Rod and No Country for Old Men. Those were far and away the two best movies I saw all year. Both at completely opposite ends of the cinema spectrum, and only one of them will get multiple Oscar nominations and probably win several. Sorry, Coen Brothers, you already had your chance. Best songs: “Cool beans,” “I’ve been drinking green tea all day,” ” If it ain’t, it’ll do till the mess gets here,” and “That’s a dead dog.”

Which brings us to Number One, and in a totally unsurprising development,

The Number One Best Most Awesomest Cool Album of 2007 was Kissology: Volume III. THIS IS A SONG! WE’RE GONNA PLAY A SOOOOOOOONGGGG!

And lest anyone forget, here’s some honorable mentions: Kiss: Gold 1974-1982 (simply the best), Crackers (Slade), ongoing news of Indiana Jones 4, UK 43 LSU 37, Transformers, Barack Obama, Bram Stoker’s Dracula which I watched for the 157th time just last night, Scotty Nguyen at the WSOP Main Event, The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford, please God not Mike Huckabee, Daxon’s MySpace page, the redband Rambo trailer.